Career Change

See you on the other side.

Scapes: An Amateur’s Journey

Things Left Unsaid

Dear You,

I love you. But sometimes you get on my nerves, especially nowadays. I never thought I’d ever get tired of understanding why you are the way you are. I guess we all have our bad days. What you said is true - intimacy breeds hatred. Well, I don’t exactly hate you because I could never in a million years hate you.

Putting things in perspective, let’s just say I feel this way because you are not what I’ve always wanted you to be. I’ve always held you in high regard. I know you are miserable, but please try to be happy. There are still a lot of things to be happy about, you know. Your misery affects me as well. I can feel it even as you sleep. I beg you to stop wallowing in your helplessness. There are other people who’ve had it rougher. I want you to stand up and do something with your life. It’s not over yet.

You tell me you don’t like what’s happening with your life - that’s because you let it be. When did you stop fighting? Why do you let yourself be taken where the wind will blow? Is that your game plan? Has it been that way for the longest time? Sometimes I wish I didn’t give a damn, but I do. I want to help you, really. But I can’t because you yourself won’t help yourself.

I regret to feel this way, that I have to get away from you for a time because I’m like a sponge soaking up all your misery. I hate it that I can see through you. Please forgive me if I snap one of these days. I really don’t know how to tell you all this because I know it will hurt you and bring you down even more. Honestly, I don’t know what to do with you at the moment. I want to scream but I respect you too much to even give a hint about what I’m feeling.

My love for you will always be. And I hope you know that. I do know that you love me, but if you really do, you have to help yourself and be happy because seeing you happy makes me happy.

Clean Slate

After putting it off for months, I have finally cleaned my room! I feel ecstatic despite being tired. You see, my room has been a storage space longer than it has been a sanctuary. I have so much stuff that even if I had gotten rid of a lot of them, there are still plenty left. I hate it that I’m sentimental in the sense that I can’t throw away things that I really can live without. Having a rather small room doesn’t help either. There are still so much stuff that I have to throw away.

I’m actually far from done; this is only the first stage. I have only emptied the room, except for my bed and mattress. I did away with my study table, and Mom found a spot in our dining room to put it and made it a storage space for groceries. I have temporarily placed some of my stuff in my brother’s room and in our dining room. I swept the floor and removed some cobwebs in the ceiling. Even though those are the only things I’ve done for the past two days, I feel I have accomplished quite a lot. I already have a vision of how I want my room to look like, so that’s one thing that drives me to finish the task.

Next, I would be putting egg trays on most of my room’s walls so my drumming won’t disturb our neighbors that much. I have also glued a big chunk of cork to my door, and I’m going to make that my ‘art’ corner where I can throw in photographs, cutouts and whatnot. I’m so excited of what my room would look like, and if it were not for my aching calves, I would still be at it. But I don’t want to rush and do it all in one day because the outcome might not be that good. I have a tendency to do things all at once, and I have to remind myself once in a while to slow down a bit and breathe.

After many years, my room is now a clean slate. It feels like I’m starting anew, not just physically, but somewhat psychologically as well. I believe it is true that your surroundings reflect what kind of person one is, and I sure do not want to be chaotic for the rest of my life.

Blah

I’ve been transcribing this Iranian politician for five days now. He practically narrates the political history of Iran and his involvement in crucial events. The files just keep pouring in and I don’t know how many of these interviews are still to come. At first, I didn’t like this set of files, but eventually I got used to his verbiage and struggled less and less with his thick accent. I also got interested in the country’s political history and got myself familiarized with all the ayatollahs and government officials he mentioned. Moreover, I have started to enjoy this set of interviews because I am constantly challenged with the names of people and places I have to research if he doesn’t spell it out in the recording. Pathetic as it may sound, I find satisfaction in getting the correct spelling of an obscure name. I guess my colleagues could relate to this quirk.

= = = = =

My egg trays arrived already. I’ve ordered a couple hundred from my mom’s officemate. I’m going to use them as soundproofing for my room so I can bash my drums away at practically any time of day. I’ve been so sloppy when it comes to drum practice that I’m mad at myself for not having regular practice. Not being in a band at the moment doesn’t help either in saving my dwindling motivation to better my craft. Also, I’ve been out of the music scene for years now that I don’t think anyone would want to form a band with me. Ugh. I sooo hate myself right now.

Free

Went to a coffee shop yesterday with mum. On our way out, something caught our eyes - an actual free publication you can take home. It’s a directory and ads publication that is given out for free at designated drop-off points. It is distributed all over the province, and the products and services advertised here are all from the province.

I think this is a great idea because small businesses can get greater exposure and possibly expand their customer base. From my approximation, I think at least 50 percent of the ads here are from small to medium enterprises. I am thinking of running an ad with them and maybe someone out there might chance upon it and contact me for my services.

I must say, not bad at all. They use some quality paper - the thick, semi-glossy ones that don’t get easily torn. And the front and back pages are in color. The publication is a monthly and it is very handy - you can place it along with the telephone directory for future reference. They even have a website where you can download previous issues. Good thing their office is based here in my own town - easier for me to do business with them.

No, this isn’t a paid post, in case you’re wondering. I just thought I’d share it because I believe a lot of small business from down south can benefit from this.